PADAO VANG

Party Night.

It hurts alot whenn you dont seem to care at all. I might have been a little hardd to handle but just a show of caring wont hurt. Would it? Thannnks. Tonight show me alot. Lots. Andd it hurts. I appricate you doingg all this. I hopee it made you happier. Tonight party without me. Im a party pooper. I know. Its ight. Im a second option. Always. Not just because of one thing but many. Andd i think you know it. Im tiredd of being hurt. Looks like im sad. But you made me this way weather you believe it or not. I need lots of time to forget this. This is hardd. Andd very painful. You dont understand. & will neverrr! Have funn with your friendds. I do believe that families and friendds comes first. But just at times maybe showing your girlfriendd that you just givee a slight caring wouldnt kill you. I understand. My action determines your action also. Its my fault too. & im sorry. But are you? Do you even understandd why am i like this? How hurt i maybe am? Im suckingg this upp and leavingg it behindd. Ill forget it. Soon…….

Happiness.

You are right. I really don’t look at the Goods that you do for me. I’m always going off about he Bads that you diid. Makingg it seems like you are the Worst Boyfriendd Ever. But honestly you aren’t. You are always so Great to me! You do so many thing for me andd it’s countless. You make me happy & annoy but it’s all in a good way.i hate the fact that im putting you through all of this. It hurts me evenn more. Seeing you cry numerous times, hurts. It’s killing me to see you hurt. The fact that I’m self-center andd don’t think about others but myself hurts. Knowing its hurt not just us but everyone around us & most important Our Relationshipp. I really can’t lose you, babee! I know you try so hard to put the best in this relationshipp andd I’m tearing this relationshipp upp. I’ll changee. I promisee! Right now, at this very moment I know I am being really stubborn. Andd it hurts me evenn more. I’ll make it upp. :) We are gonna be good. Andd I Loveeeee You! 3 Babee, you know whts so funny? The fact that we wont tell each other that. Lol. We madee upp a new wordd Lovikee. Suchh a unqiue wordd. Haha. Rememberr thats wht I loved about you. Youre so Amamzingg! & I hopee we won’t loseee each other because of the flaws that we both have. I’m happy with you even though I always shed tears. I won’t leave & I hope you won’t eitherr. It’s you & I against this worldd, Babee. I Lovee You, Babee.

Loveeee, Me 3

042712 </3

Another argument that we are going through again. It hurts so much but I guess it’s just another relationship promblem that we just have to go throughhh. It’s hard to talk and come to an agreement when I feel like you don’t even understand. It’s ohkay caused I’ll just learn how to holddd it in andd be the stonger one. Maybe you’re right I need to change. Be nicer, stopp screaming, andd learnn to holdd my temper. Itmight just be me. I’m the reason why we always arguee. Illchange andd hopefully things will get better. Our relationshipp will become strong. I’m just tired of having the feeling of me loosing you everytime I don’t change. every arguments that we have. I feel like I’m loosing you. I need to just changed. :’( yes, I know maybe I am just seeing all the bad instead of the goods. Not just it’s not just about the badd. Babeeeeeeee, I’m Sorry!

040212 </3

Why is it that I’m always the one that is wrong? The one that had to lie? It’s always ME! Never you. I admit I was wrong but what about you? Were you wrong? Smhhhhhhh! I just don’t know anymoreeeee. We always fight & argue. I’m getting so tired of it. I wish we can just understand each other. Understand why we said, diid, make the choice that we diiid. But at this point I don’t think we will everrrr. Everythinggg now just isn’t the same anymore. I change ; you change. We both diiid! Idk if it’s going towardds a good or bad. Right now I just cant deal with it anymore. It’s hurting more then it might look. You make other things seems like its so much more important then our relationship. Maybe I lie cause I don’t wanna make you sad or talk about the things that we had repeatedly talk about more thenn 100 times. Maybe I was wrong to lie. Andd I’m Sorry! But you still don’t understand why I lie. I just think we simply just don’t understand each other. In this relationship one of the things I had always hope that we both can one day learn is to just Understand one another.

031412 </3

At times, tears just come when you least expect it to. Falls without reasons. Feels like something its squeezing your heart. Love Pain is the hardest to get through. We are Humans. We can’t always deny wht is hurting us. To express it, all we got is Tear. Andd of course no one will see it. Seems like no one cares. Sometimes when you let someone become your everything well most of everything they end up being the one that hurt you the most. The one that Brokee you. Their the one that you wanted to be there to wipe the tears away but no they aren’t there. Most of all you can’t even find them. Others things in their life is far more important then you are to them. Dealingg with things on your own isn’t easy but at times thats all you got. Yourselff. Your the only one that cares about whts going wrong in your life. The only one that will Understandd fully. Andd when you smile, you know deep down inside you are faking it. Thenn you laughh at how Dumbb you look. with your face all Red andd Tears rolling down your cheeks. Thats wht you call Lovee. Thats how you know you have become my everything.  

Feelinggs.

A slight of Hurtingg is dangling in my Heart. Soon ill be face to face with the Girl that i won’t compare to. The one that got the Man i Lovikee heart. The first one. Its Hardd just thinking about it. How do you make Friendd? Have an Normal Converstation? Its Impossibleee! Ughhhhh. All these thinking makes me go weak. I feel like imma lose Him. EveryDay, i think to myself andd say “Its one day closer to meeting her.” I want to met her but i know i don’t have the Courage to. Im too Scared to see wht she has that i don’t. I know i aint a good as her. She has things that i don’t. I have Nothingg. :( Beingg in this position is hard. I just don’t know how to react or be when i meet her. The Fear will begin. -padao

072211.

onces againn. ANOTHERR WEEKENDD without babe! ughhhhhhhhhh. i miss him dearly. every secondd i am thinkingg of him andd the times we been togetherr. listeningg to the songgs he singgs to me. lookingg at our pictures makes me miss him evenn moree. gosherrrrrrrrr, I MISSS YOU SO FRIGGIN MUCHIES!

SummerTime.

Babysitingg & Thai drama all week. So tiredd. I miss the boyfriendd a tonns. Tryingg to go on without seeingg him all the time. ;D Hopefully, i cann do it. Everythingg in life is good right now. No worries. Just livingg life the way its leadingg me. This summer is so WHACK! Nothingg to do but be a total Bum. I cant wait til school starts againn. I will thenn be a Senior. C/O 2012! Sigh, im boredd.

Everytimee! </3

I am tryingg my best. Idk how to try anymoree. Time afterr time i am just alwaisee the one hurtingg. Wht do i do wrongg? It seems likee you just neverr see anythingg i everr do. Its killingg me. I feel likee i am just slowly dyingg insidee. I cant explainn anythingg anymoree otherr thenn i am hurt. Really hurt. At times, i just wanna say that i am offically donee but i cann neverr. I guess i just dont know wht i want nor need anymoree. I wishh i cann just take a break from all of this. Put lifee to a rest. I wanna breathe & release all these stress. But its hardd. So hardd that i cant do it anymoree. Sometimes a tear just roll down my cheeks andd i dont evenn know why? Just neverr thought that i wouldd havee been this brokenn. I guess i am already in many pieces already. My mindd is stuff!

In the middle of 2. </3

I hadd alwaisee wantedd to move on. not knowingg that ill ever havee to be the personn in the middle of 2 greatt & amazingg guy. its hardd to choose whenn you dearly LOVE one && LIKEE the other onee. i am tiredd beingg in this positionn. i just wanna be happy. i wanna know whichh on of these guys cann satify me. treat me the way i wanna be treatedd. be the man that i need to COMPLETE me. be the perfect otherr halff. but its just hardd whenn they aree both so greatt. i am fallingg apart. stuck in between. they both makee me smile && laughh for 2 different reasonns. i need a man that is gonna be worth me shedingg tears for && these 2 guy provee to me that it is gonna be worth sheding tears for. i am  breakingg into pieces && i dont know wht to do anymoree. </3